Have trouble socialising? Want to be more influential and liked by others? Well, now you can!
You might think that being sociable and likeable is just an inborn thing. Oh, you know, only extroverts know all of that stuff…
Well, you’re wrong!
Socialising and getting people to like you is as much a skill as any!
Sure, some people may be more gifted. Some get the hang of it sooner…
But that doesn’t mean you can’t pick it up yourself!
So stick with me and I’ll teach you the basic principles for making friends and being an influencer liked by all!
Tip No. 1: Don’t Criticise People
Criticising is one of those things that comes naturally to us. We love to point out flaws in other people and highlight their shortcomings.
But if you’ve ever been criticised yourself, you know very well that criticism rarely changes anything and if anything, makes you hate the person criticising you.
So what’s the alternative? Compliment them on what they’re doing right and suggest what you think could help them become even better!
The great thing about suggestions is they give the other person the chance to accept or reject them. It gives the control in their hands. And people love to be in control.
It also goes more smoothly with people and doesn’t make them feel like they’re being attacked, if you do it right.
Use words that indicate suggestion: “Maybe…”, “You could…”, “I think…”, “I don’t know but…”, etc.
Tip No. 2: Accept Your Mistakes!
When we make a mistake, it becomes really hard for us to accept that we were wrong.
Our ego gets in the way and stops us from being honest and vulnerable. We don’t want to feel ashamed and hurt our ego, so we decide to defend ourselves.
We deny the truth, even when we’re caught red-handed.
So what should you do instead? Accept that you were wrong.
It takes great humility, but when people see that you accepted your mistake, they feel more at ease and may even take back what they said.
Any punishment they had in mind for you may also be withdrawn.
For example, let’s say you were wrong about accusing someone about something they didn’t do.
Instead of trying to defend yourself, admit that you were wrong and apologise.
Show that you understand what they may have felt and how difficult it may have been for them.
You exposing your vulnerability will make it more likely for them to reciprocate. In this way, when you’ve committed an oopsie, you will be more likely to be forgiven!
Tip No. 3: Appreciate People!
People like people who appreciate them and their efforts. If you put extra effort one day and someone complimented you on your appearance, wouldn’t you feel great?
Well, imagine if you were the one giving the compliments!
People are more likely to like you if you show that you like different aspects of them.
Being specific helps show that it’s not fake. For example, you might compliment a pretty woman for the wonderful dress she’s wearing, you might compliment your co-worker for the awesome job they did on the recent assignment, etc.
This is especially true if you are in a leadership position. Going back to the first point, focus on the positive, suggest improvements and appreciate them for their contributions.
Tip No. 4: Be Interested in What Others Have to Say (Genuinely)
Humans are naturally self-absorbed. We like to do things for ourselves, talk about ourselves and hear about ourselves (in a positive way).
Use that to your advantage! Show interest in what the other person is saying by really listening to them. People love listeners.
If you allow someone to talk about what they’re interested in, they can go on and on about it! (just like you)
To reinforce the fact that you’re listening, ask follow up questions related to what they’re talking about.
For example, if they’re talking about their job as a teacher, ask them about what they teach. Ask them how their students are for them. What do they love about it? Hate about it? Etcetera.
Make it a back-to-back exchange. Let them talk, ask a follow-up question, let them answer, repeat.
Of course, this doesn’t mean the whole conversation has to be only about them.
Just make sure that a good portion is about them and you talking about yourself doesn’t dictate the conversation.
Tip No. 5: Smile
A pretty simple suggestion, but it works!
Smiles are contagious. They make you feel good and make you want to smile too! They set a positive mood to the conversation and people like people who smile.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you need to put on the broadest smile ever before even seeing the person.
Smile as you make eye contact with the person. If you look like you’re happy to see them, they’ll be happy to see you too.
Smiling people are also seen as more attractive. So it can help you out in that department as well! 😉
Time to Get Serious!
All the tips you just read about? I picked them up from this amazing read, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, by the world-renowned author, Dale Carnegie.
It’s a classic MUST READ for those who really want to get ahead. I sucked at conversations until I read this book.
So if you’re SERIOUS about becoming more influential, likeable, and successful, I would highly recommend getting this classic right now!
Begin Your Transformation Today:
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie